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Somehow meal conversations can turn to the grossest topics. Yesterday at lunch was perfect proof of that. It seems the morning radio show was discussing christening one of the dj’s new homes; the method of choice? Peeing in the sink. This prompted a question and an impromptu poll: Have you ever peed in the sink?
D answered “sure”, like ‘no big deal” worse it sounded like recently. One uncle said, “Well, not at home”. And even my step mom said “Once, but I was shit faced”. There were other excuses, like the toilet in the public restroom was beyond backed up, or I was on the phone and I didn’t want the other person to hear. Thus far, of everyone I’ve asked I am the only person to answer no…seriously. To be fair that number is only two women and three men. So I put the question to you, and I ask that you put it to your significant other and report back your findings. But I warn you, you may never be able to clean a sink again without thinking about the answer you receive.
Among the chores awaiting my return was making a reservation for a cruise. A friend of ours closes his office a few days each year and treats his staff to one to the Bahamas. He extends the invite to his friends as well and since we’ve never been on a cruise we decided to tag along this year. Our theory is that it’s a good way to try a cruise without a huge investment (hooray for group rates!) and taking it with about 20 other people you know – or at least have met – will make it that much more fun.
It’s not until September but the cruise line seems to want our money as soon as they can get it so I jumped on the phone and tied up the loose ends. Among the instructions I was given to finalize the reservation was to go to the company’s web site and provide our passport information as well as a credit card number to set up our ‘easy to use’ shipboard account. I shuddered involuntarily when I typed that as I can only imagine what the total on that piece of paper will be when they slip it under the door on the last day…providing of course that it will fit under the door. Once that was done I was instructed to print both the Ticket Contract and the ‘Welcome Aboard’ brochure.
The Ticket Contract is fifteen pages that can be summed up in one sentence, “We’ve got your money now, and you ain’t getting it back”. It additionally informs you that your luggage is worth $50, period. If its lost, drowned, burned or otherwise destroyed you’re getting $50 and you are by-gawd gonna be happy with that, unless you’d like to give them more money, an itemized list of the contents and the value of your favorite undies. The Welcome Aboard brochure is forty-freakin-eight pages of helpful information like: if you are cruising to Alaska you may want to bring a coat. I fully expect that one of the onboard comedy shows will be the reading of these documents...at least we are guaranteed to be entertained.
The one thing made perfectly clear in all that paper is that they would be perfectly happy to take some more of our money. In fact they’d be happy to get some of our friend’s and family’s money by way of their convenient ‘Bon Voyage’ boutique which allows your loved ones to log in and send you a flower arrangement for your cabin, a bottle of champagne or … ohhh how can you stand it … t-shirts and tote bags emblazoned with the cruise company’s logo. I nearly wet myself in excitement. The only thing they missed was postcards for me to mail to all my friends to advise them of this terrific service because I’m sure you are all chompin at the bit to prepay my bar tab (yes – this is an option) and buy D a photo session that includes an 8x10 glossy of the ship. I’m sure he’ll swoon from pure delight
I won’t lie and say I hadn’t considered treating the cruise like our honeymoon. I even checked into getting married shipboard; the best they can do is perform the ceremony in port…for $800 bucks…I’m in only if Captain Morgan officiates. I say that as a joke, but I bet if I asked and backed it up with the right amount of cash they could arrange it, based on the forty-freakin-eight page brochure practically anything can be had at a price. I’ve decided that this is why they want you to book seven months in advance. Not so you can save up for the big trip, but so you have time to get the disgust out of your system and accept that you’ll be needing a prosthetic limb or two when you disembark...available in the duty free shop of course.
I missed my promised photo deadline, but hopefully the old saying ‘better late than never’ still holds true. In a true fit of laziness I combined the two boxes I received into one photo of fabric / knitting goodness.
Kim’s hand knit dorm boots were especially appreciated last night when we dropped into the 40’s, and those little pads of paper are always appreciated as I am a consummate list maker. Laurie said she had a little gray wool that she’d never used; something she called a ‘mere slip of fabric’. Considering there’s miles of the stuff, plus the pretty cotton prints I’d say her ability to land a job at the local fabric store is pretty impaired. “Mere slip” indeed! Much thanks to you both.
I also owed you a better photo of my spider friend; which with the help of another pair of hands and a well aimed bit of aluminum foil I finally managed to take.
Isn’t life exciting ‘round here? Ha!
It was an ordinary too-much-planned-not-enough-done kind of weekend. But we did make a dent...and dents are good. We capped the weekend off with an upity scmuckity dinner as a belated birthday celebration for my dad. Even the cooking was relaxing...and by the way, if you’ve never sauteed asparagus in bacon drippings you are missing out. Paired with filet mignon, French green beans and a salad of baby greens it was super yummy!
Today of course brought me back to the reality of ‘the pile’ which is two steps forward and nine back these days...but there’s been a bit of a dent there too...again, good. You never really get caught up, and I suppose you wouldn’t want to - caught up isn’t necessarily good for business - but it would be nice to be closer. Ah well...so it goes. Today had its own goodness despite the pile. A package from the ever talented Kim with knitting for me (more precisely for my tootsies) and another from Laurie that was jam packed with fabric. She swears fabric from someone else is not a violation of my new year’s resolution...I’m not gonna argue with her! Photo’s tomorrow...and many, many thanks to you both today 
I’ve been thinking a lot about swaps lately. In part because I have five in the wings (three formal, two who don’t know a package is coming) and part because one is lost. Ok, not ‘lost’ in the truest sense…maybe unaccounted for is fairer. The recipient has not indicated if it was received, and while it had a long way to go (Australia) it has had more than enough time to get there. Worse one of the items in it is something I rescued from my grandmother’s house. I hemmed and hawed over including it and decided in the end that it was just perfect for my partner and it really needed to live with her. Now, I’ve no clue where it is and I gotta tell ya I’m bummed.
I actually feel worse than I did when I was flaked on. Not that I like receiving nothing, I don’t, but I’m more about the sending than the receiving. I am very serious about what I send…and very critical of it as well. I have some very specific rules I follow for swaps, and though I don’t expect anyone else to do things the way I do, I can always tell when an effort has been made and it’s those swaps I appreciate most. Admittedly I’m a little spoiled. My participation with the now defunct ‘Tribe’ far outshone my SwapBot experiences. Luckily my good swapping habits have gotten me invited into two private groups. Most of the people that participate in the private groups are also very serious about swapping … which brings me back to why I’m bummed. The ‘lost’ swap was part of a private group swap and I guess I just expected more courtesy.
For the curious…here are my rules for swapping.
Sending rules…
1. Always read and re-read the swap requirements. The same rule applies to your partner’s profile or blog or wherever you are getting your swap information.
2. Send a little “Hi, how are you?” card to introduce yourself prior to the actual swap. Yes, I really do this. In my opinion it’s nice to know your partner is really out there…besides who doesn’t like to get a card in the mail?
3. Ship only what you’d like to receive. Second hand and re-gifting are fine as long as it matches your partner’s likes and dislikes, but never send junk.
4. Always include a note and always include the name of the swap the package is for.
5. Whenever possible ship so that the package arrives by the swap end date. Since I’m a procrastinator I don’t always make this one, but by treating swaps as though they are due a week or so prior to the actual due date I’m never late.
6. Let your partner know when the package ships and what day(s) they can expect it. Again, it’s nice to know the person sending to you is really out there.
7. If your group requires you to post photos of what you sent (mine do) don’t post them until you know the package is received. I think it spoils the surprise.
8. Always thank your partner for your rating.
Receiving rules…
1. Rate your partner as soon as the package is received. Even if you can’t post the photo right away rating takes two seconds, and lets them know the package arrived safely. I always leave a comment with the rating…never just a number. Even when I’ve had to leave a poor rating, I try to make the comment as non-accusatory as possible.
2. Rate fairly. Ok, so it isn’t my favorite color or the craftsman ship sucks but did the person meet the date requirements? Did they try? If so that’s a good rating, even if I don’t like what arrived…it’s not about getting stuff anyway.
3. Post a photo as soon as you can. Face it; everyone likes to see their stuff on line.
4. Thank you partner. Sometimes I do this in the rating comments; sometimes by email and sometimes snail mail…it’s all according to my mood.
I even have a flaking rule. If I get flaked on, I never ever ask for an angel. I let the hostess know and I rate the flaker accordingly. I don’t expect the hostess to angel or to find me one, but she does need to know who flakes so she can protect herself in future swaps. Some hostesses ask other swap participants if they’d like to angel. Some place requests on the forums. I have no problem with either thing – in fact I angel when ever I can (I told you, I like the sending part better anyway). But, I don’t understand the members who post on the forum that they were flaked on, and that they need an angel. Getting flaked on is just a hazard of the hobby. It sucks, but it doesn’t make you automatically entitled to anything.
Like I’ve already said, I don’t expect anyone to follow my rules. I realize that I’m a tad too serious about the whole thing, but to me that’s part of the commitment of signing up for a swap. That’s why I only do a few at a time; if I signed up for twenty or more swaps like some folks do I’d never be able to keep it all straight. Maybe that should have been rule number one…never commit to more than you can do. Swapping is probably the only place I adhere to that one – heh.
Despite the fact that Rox is getting antsy waiting for me to post I dont have much for you. I’m still wading through all those things either left undone when I blew out of here or that occurred while I was gone. I expect I’ll be wading through them well into next week. On one hand its nice to have something to do after so much down time the last two weeks. On the other the list is so long its hard to know where to start and consequently easier to do nothing.
We were busy this weekend without actually accomplishing much. Saturday we idled around town, had breakfast and dinner ‘out’. We did a lot of window shopping, and a little ring shopping. Nothing is really blowing my skirt up. In fact the one I liked most was a garnet ring and I’m not sure I can bring myself to stray that far from tradition. The one D liked most was a 40K diamond...hey, at least he has good taste-heh. Sunday we worked in the yard, grocery shopped and went to a movie. I think we did a little too much as we seem to have swapped colds. We were both wiped out Monday morning.
All else I have it this spider who has been hanging out in our truck well for the last couple of days. I still haven’t gotten the photo of her that I want, but this one show you how bizzar she is.
Maybe I’ll have something better tomorrow...tonight I’m just heading for bed.
Yes, that’s right…I’m home. I’d have posted about it but in the end my exodus was rather sudden. Sometime Tuesday mom said that she knew in a few days she’d be better prepared to take care of her self so I should start looking for a plane ticket. Imagine my surprise when I was told the up-charge to rebook would be 600-800 bucks! Or, I could wait until the 19th. No offence to my mom (waves – Hi mom!) but neither of those things was a good option. Eventually a flight was found – 10am Wednesday morning, under 24 hours away. As you might expect things sorta went into overdrive; grocery shopping, finishing my ‘honey do’ list*, packing, laundry and any other loose end I could think of. My uncle picked me up at 8am Wednesday morning and one car ride, one bus ride, two plane rides, and a final car ride I was home …shortly after 11pm. Talk about an all day event! It was a super long day, but I had my book and iPod for company so I managed. Oh, how happy I am to be home. One thing I learned for sure is that home really is where the heart is and D clearly has complete possession of mine.
In other news, I’m sorta dreading going home today in the daylight…it means I can see the condition of the yard. Dr Livingston? I presume.
*While I was there I fixed the water valve that feeds the washer, replaced light bulbs in the bath fan and garage door opener, hung a make-up mirror, added a new remote to the existing garage door opener (easy peasy – Thank You Genie!), replaced one shower head and fixed another, and as my coup de gras… corrected the horrifically terrible wiring jog to a floor outlet and replaced the outlet and cover. That I did all this isn’t terribly impressive, that I did it with two small screwdrivers, an adjustable wrench and the tiniest little hammer you ever saw is 
Oh, I’m making goo, such glorious goo
that I bet that you wish you could make you some too.
Such copious amounts of goo I have got
that I must find a way to unload the lot.
Perhaps I could sell it as thick axle grease
or freeze it and parcel it out by the piece.
It’d be perfect I’m sure as industrial lube
or maybe adhesive for loose soled shoes.
A great replacement for junk mail stickum,
on that alone I’d sure make a million.
Make no mistake I’ve got a whole ton.
Its versatile and varied and oh so much fun.
Some times it’s sticky and some times it’s slick.
To market it well will be quite a trick.
I’ll need a name for this marvel I’ve got,
But I can’t think right now, my head’s full of snot.
Well kids its that time of year again when the 7 Weird Things Meme makes its rounds. I was tagged by Donni...probably because she knows I’m stuffed with weird things. I must admit though that I’m having trouble thinking of any of them right now. So here goes…
THE RULES:
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post THE RULES on your blog.
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.
1. I never forward chain emails. I’ve broken so many chains its silly and still no piano has fallen from the sky - go figure. I also wont follow rule number 5, I’m just lazy that way.
2. I’m sick right now, and no, thats not weird considering I spent over a week in a building full of sick people. My comfort food for when I’m sick is a little odd though. It’s not soup or hot tea...its pot roast. Not that I can actually taste it for all the goo, but its what I want.
3. I have really bad ingrown toe nails. If you slid a ruler between the nail and the skin on the side of my toe the ruler would disappear a full 1/4 of an inch. My pedicurist remarks on this all the time. Some day, I’ll get them fixed, but for now I just do a little personal surgery when ever they start to hurt.
4. I’m rather vain of my hair. I’m not saying I’m perfectly coiffed all the time, I’m not, but I cant stand for it to be messed up - unless I’m the one doing it. Don’t touch my hair and don’t roll down the car window when I’ve just spent 20 minutes trying to ‘fix’ my hair - ahem, D!
5. I like the rain. It’s very rare that I will complain about it raining - unless its gonna mess up my hair. A gray day will make me blue, but doesn’t seem to affect me as much if its raining.
6. I talk to myself...whole conversations. Generally with two points of view. It’s sort of like listing the pros and cons of a problem...I just do it out loud.
7. I must get a heart on every swap. I loose sleep over it until its actually time to send it out when I tell myself ‘what ever, they will like it or not, I have no control over it’. Then I loose more sleep waiting for the rating. My first ‘poor’ rating will probably push me over the edge - heh.
Well thats about as weird as I get today...I’m probably impeded by the goo and the desire to sleep for a year. Perhaps when it rolls around again I’ll come up with weirder fodder. 
Yesterday mom returned home. She still feels pretty puny, but is happy to be home where nothing is beeping, or poking, or screaming for its husband. I’m the full length of the condo away and I can hear her snoring away in her bedroom. A little rest, I’m sure, will go a long way. Still, I’ve extended my stay here - I was to leave tomorrow - for an untold number of days. Delta was pretty darn nice about it and waived the $75 change fee, and if I can find the right class of flight home there will be no extra charge. Of course flights to Florida in March can be hard to come by, but I’ll deal with that when I get to it. Hopefully I’ll be buzzing out of here by the end of next week.
The ‘Karmic Question’ post fell flat on its face. Most of you centered on the actual item and not the act....I suspect that is because you wanted mom to be comfortable, and I appreciate that. Actually I was trying to figure out how much of a prude I really am. I was flabbergasted when she suggested just taking it, just as I was flabbergasted when D’s boss filled his doggy-bag with ramekins during a holiday dinner out. My first thought when I encounter something that I want is not “take it” its “I wonder where I can find one of those?”. I can see how small things...hospital pads...hotel towels...might be in a gray area for people. Especially as these business surely budget such losses into their expenses. But not for me...I cant hardly take a free mint as I leave a restaurant because I’m sure I’m missing the 5-cent sign. Evidently ‘prude’ should be my middle name - heh.
Evidently if you blog that you are ‘sleeping fabulously Mother Nature takes that as an insult. The last two nights I’ve slept like crap. The good news it that it isn’t much different than my normal sleeping habits, so I’ll live. Mom is still in the hospital and it looks like I’ll be blogging from here for a little while longer. D is upset that he cleaned the house in preparation of me coming home since he didn’t actually have to yet. I told him if he was more selective of the dancing girls that he invited over while I was gone he wouldn’t have that problem..."choose the ones that cook, clean andhave big boobs, honey”. I knew you had to train men, but I thought that one would be obvious - sheesh.
I think I’m going to have to take my camera with me to the hospital tonight, the sunsets have been amazing; well, the two I’ve seen have been. You’d have to wait for me to share the pics or I’d have to go buy a card reader as I left my cables at home. Actually, its more honest to say I left the camera cable at home because there’s an entire bag-o-cables that came with me. Wall charger for phone, car charger for phone, wall charger for hands-free device, USB charger for iPod, wall charger for iPod, car charger for iPod. How on earth did we ever travel without all the stuff? Between the books and the cables I barely had room for clothes. At least my priorities are in order - heh.
Entirely off topic here, but I have a poll for you:
Mom and I are on two different trains of thought for this and I’d like to get a feeling for where the rest of the world lies.
The hospital has square, quilted, vinyl lined pads that they use on the beds and in chairs. They do double duty as both ‘people mover’ (grab a corner and slide the patient higher in the bed) and protection for the beds and chairs. Mom thinks one of these at home would be very helpful.
One of us thinks that, give the medical expenses this particular bit of linen is already paid for and ‘just taking it home’ is ok. The other thinks this is stealing...maybe not a federal offense...but stealing just the same.
What do you think?
I don’t know what it is about ‘olympic sitting’ that would make one tired, and yet each night return to the condo to sit blery eyed in front of the computer until I deem it a more proper time to go to bed. In truth I could go straight there as soon as I hit the front door, but who knows what time I’d wake in the morning if I did..3 probably - ick. I will say that I am sleeping fabulously and if you know me you know I cant say that often. I’m sure that has much to do with the lack of snoring man, snoring dog, cleaning-purring-kneading cats as well as alarm clock. I’m a clock watcher even in my sleep. The first few nights I actually padded to the kitchen to see what time it was, by the third I simply went back to sleep. The bed may also have something to do with it, it is a solid chunk of memory foam and quite comfy (I am nonetheless still missing mine - and all that goes with it).
I do think that the memory foam folks are missing a prime marketing opportunity. Sure they market restful sleep and greater durability or their product compared to others but I’ve never seen it marketed as it should be...as a diet aid. I can think of nothing more motivating than getting up from sitting on the edge of the bed to put your shoes on, and turning to find a perfectly preserved impression of your huge tookis staring back at you from the foam!
When I woke up this morning it was just starting to snow so I hurried out the door thinking I’d get to the hospital (45 min away) ahead of it. By the time I had traveled a half a mile it was snowing a lot...by three miles I figured I’d made a mistake...by five miles...dry pavement! By noon you wouldn’t have believed it was the same day. It was bright and sunny, and looked warm out the window...not that it was, it just looked that way. 70’s yesterday, 30’s today...yeesh!
I left a little early tonight, and drove home in the gloaming. That has got to be my favorite part of the day, the sun is set but the sky is still light and colorful and the winter trees stand out black against it. It was nice to drive that road in the semi-light. Up until this point its been full dark when I started ‘home’. The road is hilly and twisty (nothing drastic) and I feel like I’m out-driving the headlights...I tend to err on the side of caution, meaning I’m a little pokey. Last night that paid off when I encountered a deer carcass in the middle of the highway, but it was a narrow miss nonetheless. And oh my, you wouldn’t believe the blood and gore all over the road. My first thought was that a person had been hit. It flipped me out a little until my brain caught up with what my eyes had seen, but I was ultimately glad that I wasn’t the one that hit it.
Other wise there isn’t much to tell, things are plodding along at the expected speed. Mom may be home tomorrow...or maybe not, hard to say; sometimes pulling teeth is easier than getting information. In any case I don’t think she’s bouncing back as quickly as she expected and seems a little discouraged, but I’m expecting she’ll see big improvements in the next few days...fingers crossed anyway.
I spoke to Laurie yesterday and she mentioned that she could tell I was bored because I was posting every day (I normally skip weekends). She’s partially right, there is boredom, but until she mentioned it I hadn’t even realized that it was Saturday. The space time continuum appeares to be warped inside the hospital. Time for me is pages and chapters, trips to the cafeteria, and comings and goings of the nurses and techs. Time for mom is more finite...12 minutes...12 minutes...12 minutes. That is the timing of her morphine pump and once every 12 mintues she can push the little button and take a ‘hit’. More than once she’s had me get up and look at the machine to make sure it was working because ‘its been longer than 12 minutes’. And when it runs out....whoa boy...that nurse better come at a trot because that next 12 minutes is gone in about 4.
Time has always been a funny thing to me. It is a precise measurement and yet our perception of it changes almost daily. Drive somewhere new and it seems to take forever...the return trip? Super quick. Weekdays drag...weekends fly. Vacations are over too soon. Time spent with family is precious. Time waiting in traffic is wasted. We spend it like a commodity but we really have no clue of its value. We understand the old axiom ‘live everyday like its your last’ but who among us can really do that. Would you work your last day? I’m thinking ‘no’, but every day many of us do just that. As the song says we give up our sunshine so we can buy what we need because that has become the normal acceptable use of time.
I’ve always found time’s steady march forward to be both encouraging and depressing. The future is bright and interesting, but you never know if you’ll really reach the future. If the goings on in the hospital aren’t proof of that I really cant find better. I’ve ridden the elevator with people near tears, panting pregnant women and nervous hubbies, and solemn priests. That one building is the convergence of all walks and periods of life and they are all thinking about time. How much time is left? How long is the surgery? What time will they let me go? When’s my next ‘hit’? Stephen King had it wrong, all time does not converge in an airport...nor some where in outer space as the sci-fi authors suggest. No. It’s all right there in your local hospital, every facet of human time reflected in the faces around you, and every room occupied by people considering it on one level or another.
For us, as humans, the words ‘life’ and ‘ are nearly synonymous. We understand that there was history before us, and there will be a future after but the time we are most concerned with is our own and that of those we love. We are greedy for it, defensive of it and waste it like last week’s leftovers. We claim possession of it; ‘you are wasting my time’, and yet we have no control over it. Time continues its relentless ticking regardless of our feeble grasping and goes on without us. For me the immortal question isn’t “why are we here?”, but rather “how should we use our time?”. Today I’m going to use mine being happy...what will you do with yours?
When I arrived at the hospital yesterday there were two books waiting for me...the two the surgeon mentioned the day before and that I hadn’t read. Evidently she liked me too; just insanely nice of her. Like Kim said yesterday...’she lets herself be a real person’, it is really refreshing. Today, as she is off for the weekend, we will meet her counter part. It will be interesting to see if he shares the same ‘down to earth’ qualities that she has.
Its only day three and I’m beginning to fray...nursing is clearly not the profession for me as I dont have the patience needed for it. The funny thing is that my complaints, the ones that seem so big and exasperating, are really pretty little. If you called me today and I shared them with you you’d hang up the phone, shaking your head. Its interesting how those little splinters fester, isn’t it? I’m trying to remind myself to not sweat the small stuff, and as the author says, its all small stuff. Today I need to get in touch with my inner waitress, the one that never minded ‘stepping and fetching’ for strangers, and put her to work. She used to be fabulous at smiling and carrying on. Of course, we are both (my mom and I) cranky, and that is not helping. I’m a huge reactionary...you come at me cranky and I’m gonna kick it up a notch in return. Tomorrow an aunt and uncle, a cousin and her children will come visit mom, and trot me out to lunch. The break will certainly help.
Tomorrow, hopefully, a better and less whiny post.