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These days it’s hard to be nice. I don’t mean just because I’m a crusty ‘ol broad, I am, but socially speaking, it’s hard to be nice. A local radio station preformed a not so scientific experiment last week. The female DJ* ‘stranded’ herself beside the road and waited to see if anyone would come to the rescue. She was there for over an hour, and she was purposely unattractive ... guess what? No one stopped. The next day she did it again but this time dressed as ‘hot’ as she could manage. The first car stopped in under six minutes, nine cars stopped in total. All that stopped were married men, and all of them declined to be on the radio for fear their wives would hear. One of them asked her out. In my opinion none of them were being ‘nice’, and the radio station was trying to get the DJ killed.
Being nice risks putting yourself in a unsafe position. I saw “Silence of the Lambs” and I’m that girl ... right down to the broad expanse of creamy white back flesh. For me the scariest part of that movie was when she stopped to help him with that sofa simply because I would have done the exact same thing, cast or no cast. I help folks in the Home Depot parking lot all the time, and I’ve offered help only to have it declined with suspicious shake of the head. The ‘stranger danger’ we have been teaching our children has crept into adult lives. I’m not necessarily against it, but it is a sad comment on humans as a race.
Some weeks ago Tyra interviewed a woman who had been homeless. The woman lamented that when she was on the street passers-by would not even meet her eyes and that they no longer treated her as a human. Then Tyra and the former homeless lady dressed in shabby clothes and went down to skid-row. One of the instructions the lady gave Tyra was ‘not to meet anyone’s eyes because some of these people are dangerous’. Um, hello? It had never occurred to her that people perceived her as possibly dangerous but she had no problem seeing it in the others around her.
I know how she feels. There have been several folks that I’ve wanted to send a little something to as appreciation for their fine blogs. Dan at Chucklehut accepted the offer saying ‘I’d be a fool to expect you to pack up the vanagon and drive out from FL to stalk me - and frankly if you’d really wanted to I think I’ve left enough clues to make finding me pretty easy’**. Others are a somewhat more leery, and hedged giving an address with ‘no thanks needed’ or ‘perhaps another time’. It stings a little to be told that, but I understand the creepy factor that goes hand in hand with such a request. It makes me appreciate those that do accept all the more; they probably still find me slightly creepy but, like Dan, know I’m too far away to do much harm
Dan makes another good point as well; those of us who blog do give away a lot of information. Anyone could ferret out interesting tidbits that wanted to go searching. Long time readers know birth dates and other important life events that some may use as passwords. We share our names, cities and the faces of our children and loved ones all with a blind trust that it really isn’t information that most folks are terribly interested in. But ‘most folks’ isn’t who we should worry about, it’s the odd handful that view the world differently and operate without the basic morals of the vast majority.
Sadly, that handful dictates how the majority reacts. Most of our laws were written for that handful. It wouldn’t occur to me to rob a bank; ok maybe it would, but I’d never go through with it, not because it’s illegal but because its wrong. Simple. But those that see me as a stranger don’t know that and as a basic part of self preservation choose not to assume that I have morals. I can’t say that I blame them. Taking that step and offering a nicety to someone is a baring of the throat for both parties and caution is not unwarranted; a sorry, sad truth indeed.
*I know, I know, I should be using the term ‘radio personality’ but DJ is so much easier to type.
**His exact words, in fact. I kept that email (dated 6/20/05) for his address ... or maybe I am creepy.