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Brace yourselves gentlemen, we are about to play TMI* of the female kind!A few years ago I was at an acquaintance’s house for a party. She and I were seated on the lanai and I was admiring her herb garden that grew in pots along the inside of the screen. In all she had thirty or forty pots, most overflowing with plants I recognized, but a few were new me and I stood to walk along the verge and brush my hands through the fragrant leaves. I kept an herb garden at the time but my plants often succumbed to the harsh Florida sun long before they had reached the size of these. I remarked on how happy they all seemed, and she replied very nonchalantly, “Oh, that’s because I water them with my moon blood”**. Insert sound of a needle sliding across a record face here.
I must have managed to look more interested than horrified because she continued and explained the process to me. The first step it seems is to purchase some reusable pads, her preferred brand was Glad Rags. Next you need a bucket full of water to keep next to the toilet to drop the ‘dirties’ into whenever you install a fresh one. Then when it’s time to water the plants you simply fish out the dirties and drop them into the washing machine and fill your watering can from the bucket. Can I get a collective ewwwwwwwwww!
The conversation eventually wandered to other things and, at the earliest opportunity, I slid my basil bruchetta into the nearest potted plant. Curiosity got the better of me the following day and I did a web search for Glad Rags. Honestly, it was a whole new world of cloth pads, rubber cups and sea sponges that I had never known existed. When we had the health class ‘girl talk’ in middle school my little bag of samples contained a belted maxi-pad and a box of pencil sized tampons (Adhesive backed pads had just hit the market). Curiosity piqued I visited other sites hawking ‘alternative menstruation products’.
The one commonality between these sites is the belief that most women have negative feelings toward their periods. Inappropriate negative feelings. Menstruation, in their opinion, is a beautiful process of nature that should be embraced and celebrated. Most girls are raised to veiw their period an inconvenience or something to be ashamed of. I can’t jump on the ‘shame’ bandwagon, but ‘inconvenience’ ... well DUH! My guess is that most of the gals backing up this idea have little, cute, Bambi prancing through the woods, type periods, and not the ‘Bounty with a ski rope’ variety.
I could get behind the reusable pads, especially because of their environmental friendliness, but I cannot believe they are ‘tsunami’ rated ... and it is simply not a gamble I’m willing to take. I did try a disposable cup (brave aren’t I), and I gotta say, they work ... better even than tampons. I would highly recommend them if you are a swimmer, they are virtually leak proof. But, if you wait one minute too long to change them, well, we’re back to that tsunami I mentioned. Talk about an unimaginable mess! As for sea sponges ... I didn’t even entertain the idea. Ultimately I went back to the common, everyday products and I still view my period as a royal pain, and not a beautiful event.
What, you ask, prompted this post. Well, right on cue, I started my period yesterday. Lets do the math, shall we? 48 hours*** constant companionship with 1 semi-spouse + 1 tiny car + 30 or so dirty gas station restrooms + 1 tsunami style period = ONE HUGE BITCH. Condolences for D should be sent to the house - heh.
*Too Much Information
**Her words, not mine. Someday I’ll discuss all the different terms for menstruation cycle ... that’s gonna be a long list!
*** We hit the road tomorrow. I am taking a lap-top computer, but posting will be limited by my ability to connect to the internet. We have two nights in hotels, but the rest will be spent in his parents two bedroom, 1 bath (argh!) double-wide trailer home. If this doesn’t spawn a book deal I don’t know what will, heh. Wish us luck.